1 Tip for Successful Women - Do You Do This?

Posted on Wed 09/18/13 in Career-Mom

“You ever worry sometimes that some day people are going to discover that you’re not as good as everyone thinks you are and you don’t actually have it all together?”

I laughed. “Hey! That’s what my entire blog addresses, remember?!”

Confidence. It’s a trait that every successful woman seems to have. You know the one. Maybe you have it yourself? It seems to be carried by every woman we’ve ever admired, every girl we’ve ever longed to be more like, and just about every man on the planet exudes it. You’ve heard the expression, “wearing her confidence”? It’s almost as if a woman with confidence could just pick it up at will and sling it over her shoulder like a purse. And perhaps she can.

My good friend, she does. Let me fill you in.

“Well can I do a guest piece?” she asked. I queried if she wanted me to post her credentials when I posted her guest-article, and she responded with “No credentials, if that’s ok. People think I’m an expert when they see credentials, and I’m so not. Just another mom trying to make it.” I love her point of view.

“Absolutely,” I told her. I wasn’t sure what path she was going to venture down, based on her first question to me (because let’s face it, just how many times a week does that thought flit across each of our minds?), but once I read what she had to say, I found myself thinking about confidence. In truth, having this soft skill-set is so often enough for other people to equate us with success. It’s not a hard thing.

It certainly can be a learned skill.

But I can tell you right now, it’s not one of my natural skills…

No-way hose! Confidence is not something I sling over my shoulder, to be displayed proudly. (Not that I’m not trying to learn how to do that -we’ll say it’s one of those things I’m perpetually improving.) No, the realistic truth is that I hide mine under layers of questioning and indecisiveness. I know not all of you battle indecisiveness in the way that I do, but I’m willing to bet that most of us conquer questioning daily.

It’s funny to think about, because if you were to ask me if I were a confident person, I know that I would tell you absolutely that I am. But my actions so often speak otherwise and betray me. After reading her piece, I think from now on I’m going to consider my verbal defiance which advocates that I am indeed confident when I’m not, as Visualization! (See below!)

So without further ado, let me present a viewpoint that gave my perspective a spin. A train of thought that will get you thinking. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love her points of view.

Visualization Instead of Faking It

“Most of the time, I look like I have it all together. I look like I have the elusive “it all” that women are not supposed to be able to have: the hot husband, beautiful, healthy children (boy and girl, another on the way), the house, the minivan, the fabulous professional job that includes a fancy title and still gives me plenty of time to be with aforementioned husband and children.

My confession: I do not, in fact, have it all together.

Or at least I don’t feel like I do. I just started this fabulous professional title-laden position, and I am afraid someone is eventually going to find out that I’m not as good as they think I am. I’m not the perfect mother, the perfect wife, or the perfect employee. It’s hard to even be good at all those things, much less perfect. A lot of times, I feel like I’m faking my way through until I actually can figure out how to do what it is they already think I know.

If you could see inside the cute booties I’m wearing, you’d notice my socks don’t match.

If you look closely, you’ll see I’m wearing my hair down because I’m breaking out from the stress of a new job, baby on the way, and two little ones starting a new preschool (one for the first time). I actually went the whole day with my bra on inside out and twisted a few days ago. I let my kid watch (educational?) tv while the other one naps and I need to get work done. I have been forgetting birthdays, including my own. On the inside, I feel like a big ‘ole mess sometimes.

But that’s my tip for keeping it all together: pretend that you’ve actually got it together, for a little while.

A dose of confidence, even if it’s faked, will make people believe in you, which in turn makes you believe in yourself. Call it visualization instead of faking it.

Pretend to be the person you want to be, and eventually you will find that you are becoming that person. My socks might not match, but the compliments I’ve gotten on these booties today make me FEEL like I have it together, even if it only looks that way.”

Guest-article written by J. (Last name retained)

Thanks for the guest-blog, J! I appreciate your insight and I’m so glad the idea of this blog and the reasons I’m doing it are in-line with you and with others!

What is your soft-skill that you handle really well?


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# Lena - Losing Wicked wrote on Thu 09/26/13 at 11.02 PM:

Love the concept of practicing confidence even if you don’t feel it. That is great advice! If nothing else, I’m organized. But even that has potential for improvement.

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